Rulebook of a Recluse
by The Upwards Downcast Runaway
Summary: Don't open yourself to anyone. Not even to family. It can only hurt you in the end. It's my mantra, my way of life, my rulebook, and I am perfectly happy with it. So why are some people so adamant about tearing out the pages and replacing them? On hiatus.
1. Prologue

**Rulebook of a Recluse**

**Rating:** T (Subject to go down, but will likely remain the same)

**Pairings:** Nothing is set in stone yet, but don't read if you think you may be upset about a few peculiar couples here and there.

**Summary:** In a way, I've made my own world, with its own set of rules and regulations. My main rule? Don't open yourself to anyone. Not even to family. It can only hurt you in the end. It's my mantra, my way of life, my rulebook, and I am perfectly happy with it. So why are some people so adamant about tearing out the pages and replacing them? High School AU, human names, Kiku-centric, various genres.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hetalia: Axis Powers.

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Prologue

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Tomorrow will be the day I finally enter my senior year of high school. It should be exciting; after all, it's the final year of high school and the seniors have so much to look forward to. But I can't bring myself to actually be excited. It seems to me that my little brother is more excited about me becoming a senior than I am myself. Then again, Yong-Soo always has been an… energetic person.

There are times when I find myself wishing that I was more like him; lively and friendly and not outwardly caring about what anyone thinks. All I would have to do is bounce around like a puppy and people would adore me like they do him. Yong-Soo has so many friends, more than I could count on my fingers. But I know some of them, and I hear the sharp, acidic remarks they make behind his back. Sometimes I wonder if he knows this, or if he really is as oblivious as he acts.

I suppose in the end I'm better off as a wallflower. It's lonely from time to time, but it's better than having "friends" who go behind your back and mock you. Besides, it gives me more time to focus on schoolwork. It's sad to say for a boy my age, but my education is what holds me together nowadays. And even though I put so much effort in doing my best, big brother Yao is always better. He can do everything right by doing nothing at all.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm not excited for senior year. Even if I do graduate, even if I am the valedictorian, even if I get a scholarship, it will mean nothing. I know that I will never be as good as big brother Yao. But there's no use dwelling on the fact, it is inevitable. _Shikata ga nai_, I suppose.

I am just Kiku Honda, a recluse who takes shelter in his cramped up room and makes a world for himself, with no perfect little Yaos or hyperactive Yong-Soos. And as lonely as you may think it is, I believe I am as happy as I can be.

I don't need someone to break my shell away or pull down my shield. I'm better off staying away from the world and out of everyone's way. In a way, I've made my own world, with its own set of rules and regulations. My main rule? Don't open yourself to anyone. Not even to family. It can only hurt you in the end. It's my mantra, my way of life, my rulebook, and I am perfectly happy with it. So why are some people so adamant about tearing out the pages and replacing them? It's as if they are trying to get me to open up, but don't want to actually give the effort to truly get to know me. People don't seem to understand that you can't fully know a person if you only spend eleven minutes of your time talking to them about the weather.

I know I don't deserve a friend anyways. It may be my nature to be polite to everyone and do what I am asked, but I'm not friend material in any way. I can be cold and distant, even if I don't intend to be. All of those whom I could possibly consider friends are no more than acquaintances I converse with when I absolutely must. I have never even seen any of them outside of school other than Vash and Lili, who happen to be my neighbors.

With or without friends, I'm still going to school tomorrow, and I still view it in the same apathetic way I always have. Because I know that when I walk into homeroom, I'll still be the quiet one in the corner of the classroom who gives everyone the cold shoulder. And I know that there's no way I or anyone else can change that.

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_Shikata ga nai_ – **Japanese** – It cannot be helped.

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_A/N: Er… you might have caught some possibly forced references to a song. Don't mind me, ha ha ha... Anyhow, on a serious note, this is my first story. And I'm not a great writer, but I really wanted to try out this plot because it's been haunting me every night when I sleep. Though, originally I had planned it to be a bit more lighthearted… Well, I don't think I can write angst too often, and I'll be including Yong-Soo a bit more in the next chapter, so it'll probably get a bit more humorous then. Anyways, this is an AU, and I'd like to know what you think of the characterization, because I'm not sure if I did it right. I've never written fanfiction before, so it's… difficult.  
_

_Ahem... Reviews are much appreciated, and don't be afraid to point out any grammatical/spelling mistakes, because I'm sure they're there. I need all the help I can get. Sorry for the long author's note...  
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	2. Chapter 1 : Emails From Yong Soo

Chapter 1 – A Few (informal) Emails from Yong Soo

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**Subject: Hello!  
Date:** 8/23/20XX 4:20:16 P.M.**  
From:** Kimchi0815**  
To:** TW1025

Heeeeeeeeeeey! It's Yong Soo! I know it's only been a week since I gave you my email address… But to be honest, I expected you to message me first! I _kinda_ thought we bonded last week! I guess you didn't think so… :(

Anyways, I was wondering what classes you have! I mean… Well, you're going into 9th grade too, right? I just kind of figured… You look the same age as me so… Well, I've made mistakes before! Just ask Arthur Kirkland (in my defense though, he is pretty short, _and_ has the temper of a 5 year old girl!). I was just thinking that it would be great to have the same classes, because then we could get to know each other more! You seem like a very awesome person, you know ;)

Hmm…. I think that my brother would probably say I'm being too straightforward or something…. But this is coming from the guy who hardly ever leaves the house, so I think its fine! I can't wait to hear back from you, new best friend!

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**Subject: RE: Hello!  
Date:** 8/30/20XX 8:19:26 P.M.**  
From:** Kimchi0815**  
To:** TW1025

It's about time you responded! I kind of thought that you were ignoring me for a while :(

Anyways, yeah, I'm the guy from the ice cream place! I _was_ with Alfred at the time, but don't worry! I don't talk nearly as much as him. Though sometimes my older brother scolds me for being too loud… But he's a real stick in the mud! Why do you wanna know about Kiku, anyways? He's so boring! And he's like a turtle, he… like. Does turtle-y stuff, you know? Like, doesn't move and... you know, shit like that. Anyways, he doesn't like me much, so I don't know a lot about him. It's not like he does much, anyways. Or well, maybe he's doing something in that room of his, but I'm sure as hell that it's not anything interesting.

And hey, we have AP Math and AP Science together! We should like, sit next to each other! That'd be so much fun, right? Then we could actually talk in person… It was kind of hard to talk to anyone when Al and that creepy tall kid wouldn't stop arguing about their stupid… whatever's. I wasn't even paying attention to them!

Anyways, I can't wait to see you again!

(Ps. That's a Miley Cyrus song right? Do you like her?)

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**Subject: RE: Hello!  
Date:** 8/31/20XX 5:34:06 P.M.**  
From:** Kimchi0815**  
To:** TW1025

Wait, what makes you think _I_ like Miley Cyrus? I was just stating a fact! Jeez… I have far better taste than that!

And, I don't know… I guess Kiku likes cute things… Like cats and anime and stuff. It's kind of weird for a guy, but hey... Kiku's weird.

Wait…

You don't have like, _a crush on him or anything_, do you?

Ugh, I mean… Well, to be honest, I can't see him with a woman _or_ a man. Too antisocial, you know? He's like… asexual, or something. But I guess if you really wanna know, I could like, look in his room and see if he has a diary or something. I really wouldn't be surprised if he did. He seems like the type.

And yeah, I guess we don't _have_ to sit together…. But it'd be nice! And you're new here, so wouldn't you want to sit with someone you know? Oh well, maybe we could sit together at lunch!

And… sexual tension…? Is that some kind of joke? Cuz that's not exactly what I think of when I see Al and Ivan going at it… Oh god, I hope you aren't like Elizabeta…

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_A/N: So, I guess I probably should have had this out a while ago. It's… significantly more lighthearted than the prologue. I debated whether I was even going to put this in or not, because I know it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense right now. But I hope it will, later, because it's semi-important to the main plot. The person he's speaking to is meant to be anonymous, but the screen name they use has something to do with their identity. Trufax.  
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_ I have a question. I was planning to use other Asia characters, such as Taiwan, Hong Kong, Vietnam, and Thailand. The only thing is, none of them have human names. If anyone could suggest any to me, or pick a popular fan name or something, that'd be great! And thanks for reading!  
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	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

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When the shrill beeps of my alarm wake me up at 5:30, I'm a little groggy and confused before I come to the realization that I have a school to be getting to. I silently work my way through my morning routine, stopping to issue Yong Soo and my step-mother a quiet whisper of a good morning. My step-mother is a nice woman, if not a little over expressive with her affection. Still, while she cares for me, it is plain to see that the one she favors most is Yao. Of course, being her biological son, this does make sense. But even so, to me Lin is just another person who sees Yao as the embodiment of perfection.

Maybe he is. Maybe I'm just bitter. I can honestly say that I don't know.

As I walk into the kitchen, I can see that Yong Soo is working his way through a stack of pancakes at a speed I would have considered inhuman if I hadn't know him for the past 14 years of my life. When Lin asks me if I would like any, I shake my head. I'm not hungry, and lunch is early enough that I can last until then. With that I grab my car keys and make my way to the door, planning to get there early. I only pause when my step-mother calls out my name.

"Are you okay?" My expression must be confused, as she elaborates further. "You've been awfully…" she pauses, thinking of the appropriate word "Quiet the past month or so." I wonder what other words had gone through her head.

"I'm fine." I reply flatly. I don't bother confiding in my mother about much. I think this kind of upsets her, but she's really no help to me. The advice she gives may work for some people, but I just can't bring myself to carry out the suggestions she's makes.

She doesn't pester me further, so I head to my car and drive to school. It's a relatively quick drive, and quiet too. I would have offered to drive Yong Soo as well, but I know he'd rather ride the bus with his friends and it's nice to have some peace and quiet without him.

When I arrive at school, there is a quick assembly held to welcome us back as seniors, telling us to be role models to the underclassmen. It's plain to see that no one is really listening, and the moment we are dismissed, the students begin to chatter deafeningly loud, their conversations melding into one another. I grab my bag and set off to find my first class.

* * *

When I make my way into my first block classroom, there are only two other students there, one that I recognize, and one who appears to be a new face. The one I recognize, Feliciano, pulls me into a hug that suggests that we are best friends, if not more. For a good half a minute I stand awkwardly in the Italian's surprisingly strong embrace, half-listening to the jumble of words coming out of my mouth. When Feliciano finally releases me from his death grip, I can see Ludwig, the tall and burly young man pulling him away with an apologetic look on his face. I shrug my shoulders uneasily and try to smile, but it feels more like a grimace.

As Ludwig and Feliciano take their seats at the upper right corner of the classroom, I sit down two seats behind to the new student. His skin is a shade or so darker than mine, and he has wavy brown hair. I must not have been very discreet about looking, because he turned around to meet my gaze, causing me to shift backwards and move my gaze elsewhere, despite knowing I had been caught.

"I'm Heracles." He says it so simply, and when I turn to look back at him I see that he has stood up and extended his hand out to me. He appears so focused at something, it distracts me and don't take his hand right away. When I do though, I respond just as simply.

"Kiku."

He nods, gives my hand a firm shake and sits back down. In a few more minutes, the class is full and the teacher begins by introducing himself. The class goes on uneventfully as he outlines the lesson plan.

* * *

The rest of the day continues similarly until lunch, where I run into Heracles again. He asks to sit at our lunch table made up of Vash and his little sister, as well as his "friends" Roderich and Elizabeta. No one says no, so he takes a seat in between me and Elizabeta, who strikes up a conversation with him.

"You're Heracles, right?" She begins, and continues after he nods his head in confirmation. "So you're new here. Where did you come from?" She glances at him sideways and smiles sweetly.

"I'm originally from Greece, but I've been all around Europe. This is my first time being in North America." His voice sounds a bit detached and uninterested, and it causes Elizabeta's smile to falter a bit, but she still perseveres.

"Really? Have you ever been to Hungary? I go there every summer; it's where my grandparents live!"

Their conversation continues, Elizabeta trying her best to keep a conversation running on Heracles' generally monosyllabic responses, but she's out of things to say and in no more than five minutes. I can tell this upsets her, as the same thing occurred when we first met, but it won't take her long to get over it. Sure enough, the moment Gilbert arrives in all his loud mouthed glory, she sets off after him in pure fury, with Roderich following after and Vash and Lili not far behind. I'm not sure why they all needed to go, but Gilbert _can_ be quite the spectacle at times.

When I look back to Heracles, he looks like he's staring intently at something behind me, like when he shook my hand. I turn around to make sure nothing's behind me, and see nothing but the doors I came in. The next 5 minutes of lunch are spent in silence on both of our parts, just listening to the buzz of voices around us. Heracles catches me off guard when he speaks up again.

"You're friends with them?" his voice takes on a bit of an inquisitive tone, but still retains its monotone vibe. "I mean, with Elizabeta and the others."

"Not really." I respond, closing my eyes and sighing before I continue. "But I need to sit somewhere." My "lunch partner" is once again staring intently at something I can't see. It's getting a bit unnerving, but I don't show it. Suddenly he flings his arms back and stretches while yawning loudly. I'm not sure if this is some kind of insult or if he's really that tired.

Before our minuscule conversation can continue, Vash and his little sister return. The way he's holding his sister and fuming, I would guess that someone made a threat on her life. Or threw an unfortunate misguided glance her way. If there's one thing I know about Vash, it's that he's obsessively protective of his sister. Lili's 16 years old, but she's rather small for her age. This seems to make Vash feel like he has to protect her, and I know he's not past pointing a gun at anyone who threatens his little sister. I couldn't imagine protecting Yong Soo like that. He's always been an independent spirit.

Vash rants about how that lecherous albino tried to make a move on his dear sister, and I try to look as sympathetic as possible, though it doesn't appear Vash cares. Meanwhile, Lili looks a bit distraught, but it goes unnoticed as Vash continues his rather colorful tirade about Gilbert. Heracles is hardly even trying to look as if he's listening, opting to shut his eyes in a way that resembles a cat nap. I suppose he really was tired.

Suddenly, feedback fills the cafeteria and Vash pauses in his rant. We turn and look at the speaker to see if the announcement will be important. Most people don't care either way, and continue talking. But through the loud drone of chatter my I can hear my name and an order to head down to the office as soon as possible. And when Vash gives me a questioning look, I can only respond with a shrug and an expression that's just as perplexed.

With that, I head out of the deafening lunch room and into the quiet hallway. I briskly walk my way to the office, and when I walk in, the secretary greets me and informs me of something I had somewhat expected, but wasn't quite prepared for.

"Your little brother, Yong Soo, never got to school today."

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_A/N: Hey look, another chapter. With some plot in it. Wow. I keep kind of getting sidetracked from the main plot though. I still need an answer for my question in the last chapter, by the way. And... sorry for some kind of violent mood swings between Yong Soo's emails and Kiku's thought process. You can expect chapters to come out mostly on weekends because school is starting for me. I've also been thinking of starting a few other stories, but I'm not sure yet. I have the summaries/basic plot structures on my profile though. I want to get a bit further with this first. Other than that, thatnks for reading, and please review!  
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